No sugar, No flour, No problem.

May 16th 2010

Today I went in to my closet to grab some jeans and guess what.... I am now officially able to fit into my 12 jeans; a size smaller. Sweet huh? This no flour no sugar diet works. It isn’t even hard as long as you get over the detox time period of 2-3 weeks. :) It is a good day.

Olympic Training

May 12th, 2010

Sometimes life really is a pooh filled ice cream cup. Sometimes it is a brownie sundae. Today was not one of those brownie days. Door to door sales is truly the most rewarding, miserable, exhausting job on the planet. If it wasn’t so rewarding on so many levels, it would be extinct. No one would do it, regardless of how easy the sale supposedly is.

Today, and these last 2 weeks have been a struggle. I had a nice cry two days in a row, which was very therapeutic. My feet hurt and my skin is burnt. I got drenched today, stuck in a electrical, windy storm. I thought I might blow away; if it had been someone else I would have laughed. I didn’t laugh, okay maybe a little. People thought I was probably losing my mind, I got a little hysterical. I got kicked out of my area 3 times today and threatened to have the cops called on me. People get annoyed when you knock in a “no soliciting” community. (hey I thought it was for prostitution... which I am not. ;) It didn’t say No Advertising.) This all really happened... today.

Now it seems that I am being very negative, I’m really not. Just giving you perspective and will now explain why it is relevant.

My brother Brandon has said that I need to look at it as olympic training. As usual, he is right and I have been trying. I guess what he means is that you will fail and fall (which I have literally done, often) many times, but it’s about the journey and that when you finally have that success, you will see that it is well worth it. I am in the fall and fail part and as frustrating as it is, and hard, my attitude hasn’t suffered. I still am seeing the positive in the hard and sometimes demoralizing job.

Such as: I am losing more weight, I am busy, and getting in shape.

Also, there are still good, kindhearted people. There still are people that give water and food to a complete stranger. There are some people that listen and become interested, no matter how many different alarm companies have knocked on their door in the last week (4). There are complete strangers driving by and they see a girl sitting on curb at night. Do they keep going, No. They stop and ask if she needs a ride or if she is lost.

People are good. People still have a compassionate heart.

Olympic training isn’t just about your body, it’s your mind, emotions and heart too. I think I have the heart and desire perfected. I don’t quite have the mind down. I seem to struggle with organizing my thoughts while on the doors, and the emotions are a work in progress. But a soccer, baseball, basketball, hockey, etc player didn’t start with everything perfected. They grew to have those things through hardship and struggles. They all had the desire to be and do something. I hope that I have that within me and one day will look back at this time and not see the frustrations and struggles as much as I see the successes.

Although these last seven days have completely stunk, life is still a sundae. It may not be a brownie sundae quite yet but nevertheless, still a sundae.

7 UP

I have renewed my love affair with 7Up.

I love everything that is associated with it. Whether it is the game (which a spectacular bit of fun) or the drink. I was sitting here doing my homework, thinking to myself how thirsty I was. I am currently at the UVU Library and they have a cafe downstairs. As I was becoming more and more parched, I rushed faster and faster to the elevator. Step by step to the cafe; thinking of getting a hot chocolate or something warm because it is December and snowing but all of sudden my eyes skim over the selections and there it is, a beautiful green bottle. I think to myself, yuck... it's got to be Sprite, which is the inferior of all citrus drinks, even below Fresca and Squirt.

Much to surprise, it was Christmas early! Alas, it was not lowly, disappointing Sprite, but the celestial 7Up. I burst into song and pranced about like I found my true love. The amount of joy cannot be expressed on a document. You must experience it yourself! Go to the local market and if they are not stocked with it, you must desist patronizing it. Find one and open it and you will feel the joy I have...

(The prancing and singing is a bit of exaggeration. It was contained in my heart...)

Yikes!

So, yeah... it's been a while. Life is good. I don't have much time to spend on this. Finals. Egh.

Some things that have occurred over the time that I have not written are various but I only have time for 2 of the most important. They coincide together because one decision I made resulted in making an even greater and rewarding decision. Over the summer I sold security (those that have done this understand... it is probably the hardest job EVER excluding being the US president) and because of this decision I have returned to full activity in the church.

It has been so long since I had gone to all 3 meetings on Sunday, or talked to the bishop. I had lots of confessing to do from not attending all of my meetings for close to 7 years. I don't regret my not going mainly because now I understand how much it means to me and why it is important to continue going, even if you don't want to wear a dress. That is how it all began. I got lazy. I didn't want to put on a skirt and makeup and go.

It is amazing how similar it is to gaining a testimony and losing one. It takes small acts to strengthen and demolish it. A testimony is built on the small responsibilities that we have. Whether they are reading you scriptures or going Visiting Teaching. I used to justify not going because I still did my Visiting Teaching. It was like having one foot in holy water and the rest of you in ocean. There is only so much protected from the waves. Your foot. Hopefully that makes sense.

I am so blessed that I woke up. I recognized in my own way (while selling in Baltimore) that I didn't want to be a part of the world. People I had to associate with and situations I was put into, made me make a choice. I realized that I may have live in the world but I can choose what I do while in it. When you realize what really is important and right, it isn't so hard to listen and follow.

Life is so much better when you can see what is right and don't screw yourself into a mess. I just wanted to say how grateful I am for my life and my meaning in this world. I am grateful that I know where I am going and not being afraid of the what is next. My life may not always be a batch of strawberries but I know that soon it will be. I am grateful for that knowledge.

Humble... Pie.

So my friend Janae does this cool thing on her blog. She states things what she is grateful for for that day on her blog. This really is an interesting idea, so I thought that I would copy her and do the same here. 

I have had a lot of stuff happen over the last 6 months. Some good, some bad. Let me enlighten you. For a while there I was in a really bad place, mentally and spiritually. I became bitter and angry at the slightest thing and have hurt a lot of people, including my family. I apologize. I was stuck in a bad place and things were toppling on top of each stress, that I felt that I was drowning. I couldn't figure out how to break free. I know that life tends to give you trials and about six months ago, it seemed a lifetime's worth was placed on my shoulders. Now, I am not giving myself an excuse but when life hands you lemons, sometimes you forget to make lemonade. That was the case for me. I decided to taste the bitterness and live with it. 

All growing up, I had heard that life is supposed to be fun in college. I haven't felt that way since I have started. This last year has been difficult, religiously, emotionally, socially and scholastically. As some of you know, when I started school I decided that I wanted to get straight A's. This isn't as easy as some think when you work 30+ hours and never sleep. Since fall all I have felt that this decision has done for me is give me wrinkles, migraines, grey hair, and an ulcer. 

I haven't met a great many people that I could feel a true kinship to. I don't have really a social life because of my schedules. Last fall, I decided to take courses everyday of the week and close every night. This wasn't easy because we didn't get home until after midnight and then I was wired for hours afterward. Life wasn't good. I became an insomniac and an angry, bitter woman. Every little thing (whether it was politics or roommates) added to the stress of school and lack of sleep. I took it out on my family/friends and felt that everyone was against me. I went on a downhill trail. 

This semester I organized my time better (I thought) but still had issues. I was and still am in debt, was stressed about classes and how I was going to be able to pay my bills. I sacrificed my time to making money and doing homework, that I forgot about the other needs that make me who I am. I need human contact/fun time. I need a religious input in my life. I need family support. I have that, but I wasn't being supportive to them. I need to be that to be me. I lost my loyalty to all of the above, and this screwed up my psyche.

I know that I am not one the most intelligent people or am as spiritual as I used to be. I need to be more involved in church. I need to call my family more. I need to be a better friend. 

Over the last 3 months things started to look up, gradually. I met new people that didn't make me compelled to swear, I got accepted to an awesome program that will help pay for college, and miracles of miracles, I got a call from my old employer in Jersey. She was hoping that I would be able to come out and help the family for about 2 months. 

These were all blessings that God decided to give me. I was seriously stressed about my debt and believed that I would have to get another job to pay off the debt that I had accumulated over the year. This would have been extremely hard because I would have worked 40 hours both places and still not pay it all. When she called, I realized that if I went out there, I would have 2/3 of the debt paid in only 2 months. This was amazing. 

I am truly watched out for even when I don't deserve it. My life is not perfect, nor will it ever be. I know that I have faults, one being that I am extremely sarcastic and when something bothers me... I let loose on people or things that aren't even relevant. This isn't the best attribute to have. I need to be more kind and loving towards those that deserve it. Especially my family. I hope to be better. 

As Janae puts it: 

Things I am grateful for today.

1.) Family... They love you regardless and forgive easily and expeditiously. They are also always there to put you straight and watch out for your best interests. I couldn't ask for better people to have in my corner than them.

2. My heaven-sent talent/ability to have good relationships with my old bosses... This speaks for itself. If I wasn't blessed with this ability I wouldn't be in the awesome situation I am in now. 

3. My life. I am grateful for the trials and struggles I go through because it make me humble and a better person. Therefore, I become a more loving, loyal and kinder friend, daughter, sister, and human being.

Most Gorgeous Place on the Planet...

So, every year since the beginning of time, my family would go to the beach on Spring Break. Well let me clarify. Us girls in the family would go because my dad and brother would meet up with my uncles and granddaddy and go to the Masters golf tournament in Georgia. I think my mom wanted us to do something special since the boys got to. Every year we would go to Oregon ( I don't know why she choose this particular spot, but everyone loves it) and enjoy a bit of frivolty. Shopping, dinner, movies (cheezy girl flicks) and dips in the freezer burn inducing water. If anyone knows what the Oregon Pacific feels like in the Spring, they know that it isn't warm...

Anyway, we have tried to continue this tradition over the years. This year I finally got to meet with the family in March and go. Normally over the last 7 years I haven't been able to because of where I resided and also because Spring Breaks never coincided. Now, everyone worked with my schedule, which was nice. We had a blast. Too bad not all of us girls got to go. Laura couldn't this year but hopefully next year she will. Here are some pics.

Here we are, the original girls excluding Laura. I like this picture. My legs don't look to bad. :)

Reagan (noodle), Eva (Bean), Katelynn (Katie Girl), Molly (Lollypop), and Jaker (Chuckaroo) having fun.

Beautiful and sweetest baby, Carson. 

Molly watching a movie with the family. She's is decided the photo needed a pose.

Reagan's funny face... She is my little noodle. What a crack up.

Chee Chee (Kristie) and her daughter Eva building a sandcastle. I am amazed by how she raises her children. She is such a wonderful, gorgeous mom. So patient. I hope to be like all my wonderful, beautiful sisters when I become a mom someday.

The cousins just LOVE eachother. Kids are such fun.

Ah, Jaker Breaker. He is seriously going to be a Heartbreaker someday. Makes me chuckle. 

I can't SEE! HELP!!! We were on the beach and she just couldn't get her hair out of her eyes. Eva is the best at making up insults. She doesn't even realize it yet but oh how she can make anyone smile. I still remember fondly how I was making lunch for Jake, Eva, Reagan and Molly. When I went to go deliver the food to the table they were eating at they all started saying things to me. Molly said that I was "so crazy", Reagan said that I was so nice, Jake said that I was beautiful, and then Eva decided to be creative and said that I was a hairy head. That made me laugh. It was so funny.  One of my favorite beach stories. 

It was really cold. Reagan is such a stinker. I love her. 

Look how beautiful it is!! I want to go back.

I wish that had more photos with just Katelynn.

Anyway, the beach was a blast. Can't wait till next time. I just wish Laura could have been here. It would have been even better. Maybe next year.

Countdown...

Okay. I am losing it. There is this stupid red jeep that sits out front of my apartment at all wee hours of the night. I am not a happy camper. I guess there is a guy that is dating someone next door and he brings her back home at 1,2,3 am. That is not all. He sits there and talks to her for 2 hours every other night. Now, she may have class later in the day, when most normal people would be having lunch, but I don't. All I hear, as I am trying to lay my pitiful head, is rum rum gruuummmm. Over and over again. I starting to lose it. Now, I have thought of leaving a threatening letter on the girl's door... something about towing and police or I could go out there next time and reasonably talk to them. Knock on the door while they chat or makeout. I don't care. I won't be embarrassed to see them scramble to decency. It won't be the first time or last. I just want sleep. I don't get much as it is but I want at least 4 hours. 

I am thinking about making a chain... For the end of the semester. Hopefully she is one of those that will have the desire to move. Maybe I will give her reason to want to move... Hmm. That's an idea. 

All I know is that something MUST be done.